Mary Akinyi saw a fairly appealing young fellow at a wedding ceremony the week before. They dallied ridiculously and she gave him her number. A first date is arranged at a popular hotel in Nairobi. Then, who can say for sure? Yet, the grin all over recommends that the night may not end with a civilized evening over a drink.
The way that this young dude is amply way her junior may be somewhat uncalled-for to some, yet full-time mum Mary maintains he “just” falls inside her fairly exact dating boundaries. Were he a tad bit younger, say 2 or 3 years – and, in this manner, roughly half her age – it could have raised an issue.
“He is 25 years old, which is approximately fine. He is aware of my age, but he doesn’t appear to have an issue with it. I won’t date anyone younger than 25, though, just so everyone knows.”
It must be a relief for her 19- and 15-year-old children.
Trizah Karimi, a 48-year-old friend who is also divorced, has already gotten past the shock of her kids. Brian, her current boyfriend, is a startling 22 years younger than she is. Her son approached Brian after one of their first dates and inquired about his motives.
She still thinks a partner of 26 is “just about right” for a woman of her status and age.
Although many of my pals are far pickier than I am, I personally won’t date anyone my own age or older. Neither my buddy Fridah nor my 46-year-old pal Anne date any males older than 30. She recently told me that after men turn 30, everything goes downhill.
She concedes, however, that the practice of dating younger men can become compulsive.
She recalls recently going out with her Ugandan buddy Josephine and her Tanzanian friend Amina.
“We were having a blast and moving from bar to bar when a group of guys who did appear to be youngsters approached us.
“They made an attempt to talk to us and described us as “attractive older women.” They appeared to have just entered adulthood, which had us in fits of laughter.”
Trizah and her numerous pals won’t only be referred to as “hot older women” in the bars and clubs they routinely patronize in the coming weeks and months. They will be referred to as “cougars” and used as examples of a noteworthy new cultural phenomenon. Another question is whether or not this term will make them feel complimented or repulsed.
There is significant debate over just what cougars represent. Older women who actively date — or, as the slang goes, prey on — younger men are referred to as “urban cougars” in the United States.
The movie Cougar Club, starring Faye Dunaway and Carrie Fisher, will be released in the UK later this year. It is a fun, if brutal, story about some divorced pals who hunt in groups for youthful blood. The slogan “We are women – hear us roar” appears in the promotional copy, giving the impression that the young “prey” simply have little or no chance.
But does this movie actually represent a real cultural movement? Apparently so.
Demi Moore, Madonna, and Joan Collins are no longer the only celebrities who are glad to admit that they enjoy dating younger guys.
According to a recent poll by a online dating site , 80,000 Kenyan women over 45 want to date younger men, a significant increase from past year.
To meet the demand, dedicated dating sites have emerged, however even the users of these sites disagree on whether cougars should be admired or despised.
“A lady who is old enough to be the mother of a guy she sleeps with is referred to as a cougar. She transforms into a leopard as she ages and develops age spots ” This is according to one internet poster’s unflattering description.
Another responds defensively, saying that a cougar is merely a woman doing what males have always done: looking for the partner she finds most appealing irrespective of age or custom.
“A woman over 40 who is incredibly gorgeous is referred to as a cougar.
Because she is bright, economically independent, has a stellar career, and is in control of her life, she is free to pursue or accept offers from younger suitors ” It poses.
Trizah, who has four kids from two relationships and serves on the boards of several charities, is more than glad to be considered a cougar. In fact, she made a posting on the website Kenyansugardating.com in an effort to meet younger men.
She has two unsuccessful marriages behind her— both to men who were older than her. She is rather forthright about her new approach.
“I can now decide what suits me, and I find dating younger men to be much simpler and more enjoyable. They go out and have fun in different establishments, and in some very evident ways it really works.
“I first realized younger men were always chit-chatting with me whenever I used to frequent clubs in Westlands, Nairobi. Actually, I never had to pursue them.
“I recall being asked out once by a 30-year-old Kenyan doctor. However, I dismissed him since he was unable to gaze into my eyes. His attention was fixed on my cleavage the entire time.
“Brian and I got together, and my buddies thought it was great. For 20 years, they have been wed to the same dull corporate executives. They ask for every little information concerning Brian and me when we meet with each other for drinks. They are exploring the world through me!
Undoubtedly gorgeous and eager to retain that, Trizah can call attention in pubs and clubs thanks to her four weekly sessions with a 20-year-old personal trainer she characterizes as “sexually suggestive.”
She’s the kind of woman who invests a lot of money in her beauty and makes the joke that even at 70, with little Dermal fillers, she ought to be able to draw in 35-year-olds. She also exudes the necessary cougar adornment of sexual confidence.
She says, “It’s a harsh reality of life that you aren’t confident with guys when you are youthful and at your most beautiful.” “However, when your skin begins to age and your breasts start to sag, you gain confidence.
“I believe that’s why younger men find me attractive. Young women are depriving themselves, yet I am curvaceous, live on my own, and have my own money. I feel at ease with myself.
Even more intriguing is the fact that Trizah doesn’t see the need to hide her years; in fact, she sees it as a benefit.
The partner she met in a Nairobi club, “Brian, honestly felt I was faking initially when I revealed him exactly old I was,” she recalls. “Women should deduct from their age, not add to it, I jokingly said. He has dated an older lady in her 40s before, so he is not at all disturbed by my age; the issue is with other folks. Once, his brother questioned, “Brian, do you fancy her?” while pointing to an elderly woman. He abhors me.”
Trizah has dated Brian for 2 years, but she acknowledges that not all older women have had the same great experience: “Some men may view you as a means of subsistence. They believe, “I can offer a service,” because she is older and begging for it. They essentially are gold-diggers. My friend loaned a man in his 20s Kshs. 200, 000 and then another Kshs. 50, 000 in financial assistance. She was distraught when he vanished. He wasn’t really worth that much.”
In the same way, Linda Moraa, 43, of Kisii, who is currently unemployed, is frank about the fact that she exclusively romances younger guys and actively seeks them out on dating websites and in local advertising.
“Once, assuming he was more grounded, I responded to an advertisement from a person who was senior than myself. It was a catastrophe. He didn’t have any teeth and had a beer belly at the age of 46, she claims.
But there are dangers involved when you pursue younger men.
It’s not easy for me, she admits. “I believe that many young people are searching for sex, but I am searching for commitment.
“I had responses from guys as young as 18 from one posting. Those are too young. My son is fourteen.
Her most recent relationship lasted five years and involved a 31-year-old man. That appears to have piqued her interest in younger men.
“I’ve had several one-night experiences with younger men; one was 23 and the other was 26; and they do maintain themselves in better form. Even though they aren’t always experienced, there is continually room for development.”
Is Linda therefore content with the moniker “cougar”? Apparently so. “I feel like a cougar because I’m a strong, self-reliant woman who understands what she desires. On a Weekend, I most definitely would not like to be sitting at home alone. Even if many of my girlfriends are married or have kids, I still want to go out and have fun.
“However, I believe that people continue to judge older women who date younger guys. The attitudes remain mostly unchanged. However, I am clear about my objectives and believe that everyone should be authentic.
In Likoni, Mombasa, 47-year-old Lilian Mueni acts full-time as a mother to four kids, the eldest of whom is 21 and the youngest of whom is 7. Additionally, she dates Steve, who is 12 years her junior. Because of their tight relationship, her eldest son and Steve frequently go out partying together.
Does she not find this to be, uh, weird in any way?
She responds, “Fortunately, none of my kids have an issue with his age and they all get along with him. “However, at first, some of my friends were somewhat astonished. I believe that there are still many
of the negative perception of elderly women dating younger guys. Even if no one would object if it were the other way around, it does make me angry.”
Maybe the stigma associated with cougars stems more from the fact that these women frequently take pride in declaring that they “only” date men who are at least as young as their own sons.
Although Mary, the cougar who met her most recent “prey” at that wedding, claims she didn’t intend to, dating exclusively younger guys has essentially become her new normal.
The 48-year-old mom of two from Buru Buru, Eastlands, has started dating younger guys on a regular basis.
“When my long-term relationship with my 14-year-old partner ended, I started seeing Simon, who is seven years my junior. He completely blew me away.
He held doors open for me and was extremely attentive and traditional.
Additionally, I enjoyed the notion of someone more physically strong and younger taking care of me as I aged.
After six years, that partnership came to an end, but I soon discovered that I was drawing younger men to me. I didn’t choose to solely date them on purpose, but I wouldn’t change a thing now.
“I’m always on the lookout for good-looking boys. Younger males, in my opinion, keep you youthful.
Additionally, they are more energetic in the sack and carry less hang ups. That is very significant. Let’s simply say that they are able to perform more than once.
They prefer confident older ladies because it relieves strain on them.
She, on the other hand, is prepared to impart all of her knowledge to them, whether it be on the art of her time or something a bit more explicit.
Younger guys, she believes, appreciate the idea that she has “been there, done that, and wore the T-shirt.” Everyone benefits.
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